*Indiana Jones IV-there was a visit from the set of the new Indy 4. It had Spielberg, Harrison Ford looking really fucking old (I like him, I just don't know if he'll pull it off), Shia Lebouf as Indy's kid (looking like a 1950's greaser), and the return of Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen). It's cool that it's finally happening, and I'm glad that Marion is returning. That was a cool thing to do, and it's nice to see Allen's return. I don't know about the flick, I'll wait and see.
*Underworld 3....might/will be happening. And the director could be special FX guru Patrick Tatopoulos. My only question is...why? I was never a fan of either movie, and I thought Underworld: Evolution was a box office flop. I won't be seeing this when it comes out...cause frankly I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!
*April Fool's Day remake for 2009...like I said before....just.....fucking shit.
*February 1, 2008 is the release of the remake of the Japanese horror/ghost story The Eye starring Jessica Alba....oh THAT'LL be great....awesome....terrifical......yeah right.
*Zack Snyder, after Watchmen, will do Army of the Dead. It's about a father looking for his daughter in a zombie infested world....and the movie is focused in Las Vegas. Sounds cool....but Zack says he wants it to be massive. Now will this be CGI armies of zombies? Which is like....meh truthfully. I'm up for a zombie film, and Snyder I thought did pretty damn good with the Dawn of the Dead remake...I hope he'll tone down the CGI and NO FUCKING CGI BLOOD or CGI GUNSHOTS....just use old school prosthetics, or fill some condoms with fake blood and put them on people to blow up.
*Iron Man-directed by Jon Favreau and starring Robert Downey Jr. There was a teaser/trailer made for the con, but not shown. It sounds good, and the choice in cast and director is pretty damn interesting. I think this could be a damn good comic book film.
*The Dark Knight-there was a teaser of just the bat signal with some voices. Nothing much, but I guess that's why they call it a TEASER. Anyway Heath Ledger plays the Joker, and I liked Batman Begins. It'll be good to see Christian Bale once again as Batman/Bruce Wayne. Here's the thing....just SLOW DOWN THE FISTICUFFS. The one thing I didn't like was I couldn't understand the scenes where Batman fights off goons hand to hand....it was a lot like my Transformers review....I know it was cool, but I couldn't see the fucking thing. Let me see the fucking fights, please!
*Clive Barker talks about writing the Hellraiser remake....saying he did a 45 page treatment for the movie. He's quoted as saying "I wanted to take what we learned from first movie about Pinhead and pour it into this mold… there’s a great story in there." I'm on the mind of two worlds on this. Why remake such a classic film....it'll probably be filled with awful CGI, and it won't be as dark as the original film...not many horror movies today are as dark as Hellraiser was back in the 1980's. On the other hand I can understand that the Hellraiser series has really lost its' footing and its' way after a total of 8 movies. And it's cool that Clive Barker is actually writing it himself. But who knows if they'll actually USE what Barker wrote....or they'll just hire some hack to quickly rewrite, change a few things to be politically correct, and keep Barker's name to draw in a few of the crowds. If I had to choose...I'll say FUCK THE REMAKE!
Films Coming Out Soon:
*Doomsday directed by Neil Marshall (The Descent, Dog Soldiers). Three decades after a lethal virus tore through a major country, leading to the country's walling off. When the virus, known as the Reaper, resurfaces in another country, an elite group is dispatched to the infected country to find a cure. There, they end up shut off from the rest of the world and must battle through a landscape that has become a waking nightmare. I like Marshall as a director, I thought both Dog Soldiers and The Descent fucking rocked. So I'm all up for this film!
*Frank Darabont's The Mist based on the Stephen King story, starring Thomas Jane and Andre Braugher. A freak storm unleashes a species of blood-thirsty creatures on a small town, where a small band of citizens hole-up in a supermarket and fight for their lives. It'll be released in November of 2007...Darabont DID do Shawshank Redemption.....but he also DID Dreamcatcher. But the story seems pretty cool, and I'm a big fan of Thomas Jane. I'll definately check that out.
*Cloverfield-Produced by J.J. Abrams. It looks like a great film...I loved the teaser (which I saw in front of Live Free or Die Hard) and it's a monster movie but with handheld cameras (taking the point of view of little ole us in the middle of a giant film). Novel approach to a monster movie, and it's set to come out January 18, 2008. I think it'll be called "Colossus"..but who knows we'll see.
I'm still pissed that there was no mention of John Rambo....none!! It makes sense in that it's not a comic book movie...but does Shoot Em Up starring Clive Owen (about a man named Mr. Smith who delivers a woman's baby during a shootout, and protects both mother and baby against an army of gunmen) have anything to do with comics? No, but it's still there. Oh well.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Horror News/Opinions July 30 2007
*Trailer of Death Sentence-the film stars Kevin Bacon and is directed by James Wan (Dead Silence, Saw). The story centers on a father (Kevin Bacon) out for revenge after his family is attacked in a senseless and heinous gang-initiation crime. The father enacts a death sentence on each perpetrator involved with the crime. It looks pretty good, a throwback to films like Death Wish. I've always been a fan of vigilante movies (The Punisher, both versions, Kill Bill 1 and 2, Death Wish series, etc.) and I think Kevin Bacon is a strong actor (I love Tremors and Stir of Echoes, he did great in both). It opens August 31 and I think it'll be great.
*Remake of Death Race 2000, called Death Race 3000-it'll be directed by Paul W.S. Anderson who also made Mortal Kombat and Resident Evil. Jason Statham, Tyrese Gibson, and Joan Allen will star in the remake, which follows a group of contestants on a cross-country race who score points for running down pedestrians. The original film starred David Carradine and the always kick-ass Sylvester Stallone. I don't know about this....Anderson as a director is hit (Mortal Kombat, Event Horizon) and miss (Alien Vs. Predator....big time suckage!). But it's a cool story, and I think Jason Statham is one of the best action stars in today's age (Transporter 1 and 2 were fun times because of him). So...I'll wait and see, it could go either way to me.
*Terror Train remake-Thora Birch of American Beauty is set to star in the remake, as a team of US catch wrestlers find themselves caught up in a nightmarish train ride in Eastern Europe. Many Bulgarian actors will be playing in the film, directed by Gideon Raff. Birch plays the same character as Jamie Lee Curtis in the original, which helped kick start the slasher genre. Man oh man....what can I say. WHY REMAKE IT....THE GENERAL PUBLIC YOU'RE TRYING TO GET HAVEN'T HEARD OF THE FUCKING MOVIE. AND FANS OF SLASHER FILMS, LIKE ME, WILL BE PISSED OFF BECAUSE WE WANT YOU TO DO SOMETHING ORIGINAL...AND IT WON'T BE BETTER. Sorry about that...but was When A Stranger Calls remake good? Hell no! How about the The Hitcher remake? That was a fucking abomination. Now with the Prom Night remake that's going to be FUCKING PG-13 ugh....you've got the remake of April Fool's Day being made for a 2009 release (and set to star Scout Taylor-Compton, who stars as Laurie Strode in the remake of Halloween)....and a remake of My Bloody Valentine planned....it just goes to prove that this trend will not end soon. Too bad, very sad.
*Saw V and VI.... David Hackl, the production designer on Saw II, Saw III and Saw IV and second unit director on Saw II and Saw IV has OFFICIALLY been attached to helm both Lionsgate's Saw V and Saw VI. Whoa, whoa, WHOOAAAA!! There's a fucking Saw 5 and 6 already PLANNED??? This is getting out of fucking hand....and Tobin Bell is set to be in 5 and 6.....HE FUCKING DIED AT THE END OF SAW 3.....WHAT THE FUCK?? Here's my opinion of the Saw films:
Saw 1: I liked it, and still do. A cool little film, a neat story, the locations are grisly, the villain and the puppet are creepy and well voiced by Tobin Bell, Cary Elwes and Danny Glover both did an ok job, the soundtrack by Clint Mansell of Nine Inch Nails is amazing, and the ending worked on me....I thought for the most part it was pretty damn well written, and the traps were a cool device. A solid flick, at least to me.
Saw II: It reminded me of a slasher flick, only with traps. Seeing dumb people die in inventive traps gave me easy, good times. But not much else to flick truthfully, and I didn't care for the ending at all.
Saw III: Hated it...just was not entertaining to me, but instead pretty damn boring. No characters for me to root for, the ending to me was like 'whatever'....I just simply didn't give a shit about the story anymore. There's a couple good traps in it....but that's all the pleasure I could derive from this movie.
Do we really need a Saw IV, let alone a fucking Saw 5 and 6?? Simply, no. Fuck no. NOOO!! Anyway....
*Remake of Death Race 2000, called Death Race 3000-it'll be directed by Paul W.S. Anderson who also made Mortal Kombat and Resident Evil. Jason Statham, Tyrese Gibson, and Joan Allen will star in the remake, which follows a group of contestants on a cross-country race who score points for running down pedestrians. The original film starred David Carradine and the always kick-ass Sylvester Stallone. I don't know about this....Anderson as a director is hit (Mortal Kombat, Event Horizon) and miss (Alien Vs. Predator....big time suckage!). But it's a cool story, and I think Jason Statham is one of the best action stars in today's age (Transporter 1 and 2 were fun times because of him). So...I'll wait and see, it could go either way to me.
*Terror Train remake-Thora Birch of American Beauty is set to star in the remake, as a team of US catch wrestlers find themselves caught up in a nightmarish train ride in Eastern Europe. Many Bulgarian actors will be playing in the film, directed by Gideon Raff. Birch plays the same character as Jamie Lee Curtis in the original, which helped kick start the slasher genre. Man oh man....what can I say. WHY REMAKE IT....THE GENERAL PUBLIC YOU'RE TRYING TO GET HAVEN'T HEARD OF THE FUCKING MOVIE. AND FANS OF SLASHER FILMS, LIKE ME, WILL BE PISSED OFF BECAUSE WE WANT YOU TO DO SOMETHING ORIGINAL...AND IT WON'T BE BETTER. Sorry about that...but was When A Stranger Calls remake good? Hell no! How about the The Hitcher remake? That was a fucking abomination. Now with the Prom Night remake that's going to be FUCKING PG-13 ugh....you've got the remake of April Fool's Day being made for a 2009 release (and set to star Scout Taylor-Compton, who stars as Laurie Strode in the remake of Halloween)....and a remake of My Bloody Valentine planned....it just goes to prove that this trend will not end soon. Too bad, very sad.
*Saw V and VI.... David Hackl, the production designer on Saw II, Saw III and Saw IV and second unit director on Saw II and Saw IV has OFFICIALLY been attached to helm both Lionsgate's Saw V and Saw VI. Whoa, whoa, WHOOAAAA!! There's a fucking Saw 5 and 6 already PLANNED??? This is getting out of fucking hand....and Tobin Bell is set to be in 5 and 6.....HE FUCKING DIED AT THE END OF SAW 3.....WHAT THE FUCK?? Here's my opinion of the Saw films:
Saw 1: I liked it, and still do. A cool little film, a neat story, the locations are grisly, the villain and the puppet are creepy and well voiced by Tobin Bell, Cary Elwes and Danny Glover both did an ok job, the soundtrack by Clint Mansell of Nine Inch Nails is amazing, and the ending worked on me....I thought for the most part it was pretty damn well written, and the traps were a cool device. A solid flick, at least to me.
Saw II: It reminded me of a slasher flick, only with traps. Seeing dumb people die in inventive traps gave me easy, good times. But not much else to flick truthfully, and I didn't care for the ending at all.
Saw III: Hated it...just was not entertaining to me, but instead pretty damn boring. No characters for me to root for, the ending to me was like 'whatever'....I just simply didn't give a shit about the story anymore. There's a couple good traps in it....but that's all the pleasure I could derive from this movie.
Do we really need a Saw IV, let alone a fucking Saw 5 and 6?? Simply, no. Fuck no. NOOO!! Anyway....
The Hills Have Eyes remake
Hills Have Eyes remake
Okay I'll admit it. I loved this flick much more than the original. Yes I said it and I know it's blasphemy!! I saw the original before this, and I'm sorry but i was bored to tears. It's cool if others enjoyed it, but for me it was just boring. It wasn't scary, the mutants looked like bums off the El train with some scrungy clothes, and the only person I liked in the cast was Michael Berryman.
Now I loved the remake because it was exciting. Yeah it followed the original's formula two thirds of the way but I enjoyed Aja's direction and look to the film. The score by Tomandandy (which I loved so much I bought the score) was at times eerie and adrenaline-pumping, and I liked the cast even more. Aaron Stanford as Doug I particularly liked, especially his "Straw Dogs" type transformation. He was just likeable to me. And the film was very gory, at least to me.
The third act was what pushed this film to awesome levels for me. The fight scene with Pluto and Doug I thought was fucking brutal....Doug takes a licking but it's to get his baby back but the action was pumped up a couple of notches. It didn't bore me. It was like a Sergio Leone western mixed with a horror film....which I thought was cool. There's a scene where Doug is beaten to shit, but he looks at his hand and his wedding ring.....the ring being just below the part of his finger that was cut off from the Pluto fight earlier. The way that shot looked, and the musical score involved...it just made me smile in that "Oh yes...he's going to fight back and get his damn baby daughter back." I like those kinds of stories....a hero beat to shit, but still moving forward.
Anyway it's one of my fave horror films in the past couple of years. Brutal, gory, an action-packed third act, adrenaline-pumping score, a good and capable cast, and wonderful direction from Alexander Aja is what makes this film work for me.
Okay I'll admit it. I loved this flick much more than the original. Yes I said it and I know it's blasphemy!! I saw the original before this, and I'm sorry but i was bored to tears. It's cool if others enjoyed it, but for me it was just boring. It wasn't scary, the mutants looked like bums off the El train with some scrungy clothes, and the only person I liked in the cast was Michael Berryman.
Now I loved the remake because it was exciting. Yeah it followed the original's formula two thirds of the way but I enjoyed Aja's direction and look to the film. The score by Tomandandy (which I loved so much I bought the score) was at times eerie and adrenaline-pumping, and I liked the cast even more. Aaron Stanford as Doug I particularly liked, especially his "Straw Dogs" type transformation. He was just likeable to me. And the film was very gory, at least to me.
The third act was what pushed this film to awesome levels for me. The fight scene with Pluto and Doug I thought was fucking brutal....Doug takes a licking but it's to get his baby back but the action was pumped up a couple of notches. It didn't bore me. It was like a Sergio Leone western mixed with a horror film....which I thought was cool. There's a scene where Doug is beaten to shit, but he looks at his hand and his wedding ring.....the ring being just below the part of his finger that was cut off from the Pluto fight earlier. The way that shot looked, and the musical score involved...it just made me smile in that "Oh yes...he's going to fight back and get his damn baby daughter back." I like those kinds of stories....a hero beat to shit, but still moving forward.
Anyway it's one of my fave horror films in the past couple of years. Brutal, gory, an action-packed third act, adrenaline-pumping score, a good and capable cast, and wonderful direction from Alexander Aja is what makes this film work for me.
The Transformers
I caught the film online...I know shame on me but they didn't show the film where I live. If you don't know, the film was directed by Michael Bay. It's about big fucking robots who come to Earth, some to destroy (Decepticons) and some to save us (Autobots) from destruction. The film stars Shia Lebouf (Disturbia) and features Anthony Anderson and John Turturro. The film was decent....maybe it played better on the big screen, or it'll play better on DVD with a better video/look on it, but I just thought the film was just decent.
Pros:
*Shia Lebouf did a good job...he was likable and wasn't annoying/wooden ala Hayden Christenson of Star Wars Episodes II and III
*Some well done action scenes (the beginning with the helecopter Blackout attacking an army base, a scorpion robot attacking troops in the sand, my fave being the Bumblebee on the back of a pick-up truck playing the hell out of a Decepticon)
*Peter Cullen as the voice of Optimus Prime...a blast from the past
*Speaking of which, Optimus Prime and Bumblebee (who had no voice and had to talk through radio stations) were stellar
*Solid FX-the Transformers had the classic transformation sound effect, and the moving parts were very well done....high marks for the FX guys
*Megan Fox is Hot!!!
Cons:
*John Turturro and Jon Voight.....both should have not been included, especially Turturro who is horrible in his over the top role
*Megan Fox can't act....she seems to have the same expression for the whole damn film
*The Action was so damn hectic, quickly edited, and a lot of the transformers look the fucking same....in other words I couldn't tell what the fuck was going on half the time....it's hard to enjoy and action sequence when I don't know what the hell just happened....it's like "I know something cool just happened, but I don't know exactly WHAT just happened."
*The story between the Bumblebee and Shia (the boy and his car type story) was missing the magic bigtime I thought....they should have just cut all the military bullshit, the Turturro scenes, the Voight stuff, the hackers with Anthony Anderson and some Australian chick....all of that was dumb to put in and pulled the flick in too many directions....and with Spielberg producing (E.T.- a boy and his alien that worked very well) that's a big letdown on that front
*You might think that the Transformers just aren't in the film enough....and the Autobots for the most part are pretty damn big pussies....well Bumblebee and Optimus Prime both have one big moment to shine...but for the most part they got their asses kicked by the Decepticons. Spoilers: Shia had to fucking save Optimus Prime from Megatron, the leader of the Decepticons. And the military guys had to help the Autobots kick some Decepticon ass....what the fuck? So really the Autobots didn't NEED to come and save us....it's like Independence Day but with robots...the humans would/could EVENTUALLY kick the shit out of the robots. Maybe that's just me though.
Bottom line: I just thought "Whatever" with the flick. Maybe my mind will change seeing it on DVD, but as of this moment.....decen flick, no more and no less.
Pros:
*Shia Lebouf did a good job...he was likable and wasn't annoying/wooden ala Hayden Christenson of Star Wars Episodes II and III
*Some well done action scenes (the beginning with the helecopter Blackout attacking an army base, a scorpion robot attacking troops in the sand, my fave being the Bumblebee on the back of a pick-up truck playing the hell out of a Decepticon)
*Peter Cullen as the voice of Optimus Prime...a blast from the past
*Speaking of which, Optimus Prime and Bumblebee (who had no voice and had to talk through radio stations) were stellar
*Solid FX-the Transformers had the classic transformation sound effect, and the moving parts were very well done....high marks for the FX guys
*Megan Fox is Hot!!!
Cons:
*John Turturro and Jon Voight.....both should have not been included, especially Turturro who is horrible in his over the top role
*Megan Fox can't act....she seems to have the same expression for the whole damn film
*The Action was so damn hectic, quickly edited, and a lot of the transformers look the fucking same....in other words I couldn't tell what the fuck was going on half the time....it's hard to enjoy and action sequence when I don't know what the hell just happened....it's like "I know something cool just happened, but I don't know exactly WHAT just happened."
*The story between the Bumblebee and Shia (the boy and his car type story) was missing the magic bigtime I thought....they should have just cut all the military bullshit, the Turturro scenes, the Voight stuff, the hackers with Anthony Anderson and some Australian chick....all of that was dumb to put in and pulled the flick in too many directions....and with Spielberg producing (E.T.- a boy and his alien that worked very well) that's a big letdown on that front
*You might think that the Transformers just aren't in the film enough....and the Autobots for the most part are pretty damn big pussies....well Bumblebee and Optimus Prime both have one big moment to shine...but for the most part they got their asses kicked by the Decepticons. Spoilers: Shia had to fucking save Optimus Prime from Megatron, the leader of the Decepticons. And the military guys had to help the Autobots kick some Decepticon ass....what the fuck? So really the Autobots didn't NEED to come and save us....it's like Independence Day but with robots...the humans would/could EVENTUALLY kick the shit out of the robots. Maybe that's just me though.
Bottom line: I just thought "Whatever" with the flick. Maybe my mind will change seeing it on DVD, but as of this moment.....decen flick, no more and no less.
Deadpit Radio
Deadpit Radio is a great horror radio show at www.deadpit.com. The Radio Show stars Uncle Bill and The Creeping Kentuckian who both live in Kentucky. They are funny, informative, and down to earth. They were bored one day and just plain sick and tired of how horror is in today's age. They are sick to death, and very pissed off of, the remakes, video game movies, and torture films coming out in today's age. They especially hate Eli Roth, along with his films Hostel and Cabin Fever, and it's some funnier than hell shit. They are both big fans of Dawn of the Dead (1978), Chainsaw Massacre, Halloween, and Phantasm. They've done a shitload of kickass interviews, including:
*Linnea Quiggly (star of Return of the Living Dead, Scream Queen)
*Tom Savini (Make-Up Master of films like Maniac, Friday the 13th, and Day of the Dead)
*Joe Pilato (Captain Rhodes of Day of the Dead)
*Paul Ehlers (who played Madman Marz)
*Jack Sholder (director of The Hidden)
*William Butler (star of Friday the 13th part 7, TXM 3, NOTLD remake)
*William Lustig (director of Maniac and Maniac Cop)
*Mick Garris (creator of The Masters of Horror series)
*Angus Scrimm (The Tall Man in Phantasm series)
And tons more. But they also have a HUGE respect for independent horror films. They do countless reviews, interviews with the independent men and women of horror, and pimp it up as much as possible. But they are also brutally honest. No bullshit with these guys. Anyway if you're a fan of horror you MUST hear this radio show....there are tons of past shows for download and it makes for a good time. Grade A creamy goodness!
*Linnea Quiggly (star of Return of the Living Dead, Scream Queen)
*Tom Savini (Make-Up Master of films like Maniac, Friday the 13th, and Day of the Dead)
*Joe Pilato (Captain Rhodes of Day of the Dead)
*Paul Ehlers (who played Madman Marz)
*Jack Sholder (director of The Hidden)
*William Butler (star of Friday the 13th part 7, TXM 3, NOTLD remake)
*William Lustig (director of Maniac and Maniac Cop)
*Mick Garris (creator of The Masters of Horror series)
*Angus Scrimm (The Tall Man in Phantasm series)
And tons more. But they also have a HUGE respect for independent horror films. They do countless reviews, interviews with the independent men and women of horror, and pimp it up as much as possible. But they are also brutally honest. No bullshit with these guys. Anyway if you're a fan of horror you MUST hear this radio show....there are tons of past shows for download and it makes for a good time. Grade A creamy goodness!
The Number 23
Jim Carrey tries again in the dramatic area with The Number 23, directed by Joel Shumacher (The Lost Boys, Phone Booth, 8MM). Carrey is Walter, a dog catcher who starts reading a book that his wife (Virginia Madsen-Candyman) finds called "The Number 23". He associates himself with the main character, who is a detective obsessed with the number 23. Carrey finds that the character in the book has many similarities with himself, and he himself becomes obsessed with the number 23...seeing it everywhere as it drives him mad. What is the secret of the number 23?
The film got a bad reception critically and box office wise, and I can understand it. It was okay to see the film once, but I wouldn't care to see it ever again. I thought Carrey did a good job, and the story of how the 23 is played out is decent. But Carrey trying to be tough is just that....trying. It's a valiant effort, but after seeing the guy bend over and literally talk from his ass...it's kind of hard to take him seriously after that. The ending....it's one of those endings that when you see it, you never want to watch the film again. It was the kind of "that's it?" type of reaction, at least to me. The supporting cast isn't too strong, and the flashes to the novel (with Carrey putting himself as the detective in the book) is just plain boring to watch. I just didn't care, I was more interested in real life Walter's (Carrey) obssession with this number 23...but the ending was one of those that I think most will see coming....and even if you don't it'll be like "I should have thought of that...cause I've seen this type of ending before". Either way, it's a decent film...not horrible or a pain to sit and watch, but it's also not exciting, scary, funny, or mind-blowing. Just so-so.
The film got a bad reception critically and box office wise, and I can understand it. It was okay to see the film once, but I wouldn't care to see it ever again. I thought Carrey did a good job, and the story of how the 23 is played out is decent. But Carrey trying to be tough is just that....trying. It's a valiant effort, but after seeing the guy bend over and literally talk from his ass...it's kind of hard to take him seriously after that. The ending....it's one of those endings that when you see it, you never want to watch the film again. It was the kind of "that's it?" type of reaction, at least to me. The supporting cast isn't too strong, and the flashes to the novel (with Carrey putting himself as the detective in the book) is just plain boring to watch. I just didn't care, I was more interested in real life Walter's (Carrey) obssession with this number 23...but the ending was one of those that I think most will see coming....and even if you don't it'll be like "I should have thought of that...cause I've seen this type of ending before". Either way, it's a decent film...not horrible or a pain to sit and watch, but it's also not exciting, scary, funny, or mind-blowing. Just so-so.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Hills Have Eyes 2, Premonition, and Dead Silence
The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007)
Sequel to the Hills Have Eye remake directed by Alexander Aja. I loved that film...even more so than Wes Craven's original film. Craven's original...I always thought was too slow, too boring, and not the least bit scary. But the remake had a better cast, I thought there was more tension, the soundtrack by Tomandandy was haunting and at other times adrenaline-pumping, the gore was plentifuly and brutul, and the third act of the film really picked up in the action department. When Aaran Stanford, a father trying to get his baby back, finally turns the tables on the villains it's an exciting scene....I was cheering (on the inside at least) and it got me pumped up (and this was after a wonderfully brutul fight scene between Dough (Stanford) and Pluto (Michael Bailey Smith). In other words, I very much loved the flick.
So the film cost about $15-$20 million and and it made about $40 million...so a sequel was quickly under way and it comes out about a year precisely when the remake came out. A group of National Guardsmen (and two women) set out in the desert on a training exercise. They befall a group of mutants and the soldiers are killed off one by one. This is a junk food movie....not good for the brain, but fun for easy thrills. For some reason this was an easy watch for me. Maybe because all the negative hype had me prepared for what I was about to see. Or maybe seeing what amounts to a feeling of the slasher films of the 1980's on the screen is certainly my idea of fun. Either it got bad enough for me to like it, or simple and straight to the point enough for me to be mildly entertained. A pretty good sized bodycount, a few good bits of gore (a cut off arm, a head being pounded and squashed by a big stone, etc.), a decent score (with some bits from the score in the first film), and a pretty fair pace (about 3 or so people are killed from the get go in the beginning of the film) makes this a dumb, fun throwback to the slasher flicks of the '80's, to which I'm a huge fan of those kinds of movies. Although the characters are thinner than paper, you've seen all this kind of stuff before, the make-up on the mutants is horrible, and the kills aren't really that imaginative....I was entertained. Like I said before...either it was kinda fun to watch, or it got bad enough for me to laugh and thus still be entertained.
Premonition with Sandra Bullock....oh boy.
The story tells of Bullock being a wife and mother of two, who finds out one day that her husband has passed on from a car accident. The next day she wakes up, her husband is alive. It seems that each day becomes a different point in time. One day it is sometime before the accident, the next day is sometime after the accident, and so on. I'm sorry but this film just BORED THE SHIT OUT OF ME. It wasn't scary...it's not really a horror film at all. It's more like a Twilight Zone episode stretched out to 90-some minutes. One thing that bugged me.....one of these days after the accident, she gets put into an asylum , is medicated, and possible arrested. But then it's never touched on again....either I completely missed the part where they explained HOW'D SHE GET OUT OF THE FUCKING ASYLUM or this movie didn't do its' job. There's just nothing fun about this movie...it's like watching paint dry. Don't get me wrong, I like Sandra Bullock. But she can't save this film from being a complete bore....and her character gets on my nerves as well. There were many times where I was yelling....FUCKING DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT, SO DO SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF THE BLUE AND CHANGE THE FUCKING TIMELINE. Like there was a funeral on Saturday she went to....then she wakes up to a day before it and her mom asks "when shall we have the funeral." Sandy says "tomorrow" (Saturday) and the mom looks at her like...'really, that soon?' She simply says 'yeah.' And this is the same woman who CALLED THE ASYLUM AND PUT YOUR ASS INTO TH EIR CAUSE SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE OUT OF IT! Why didn't she just change the funeral...just to see how that could change. Make it Monday, or next week, or next month, something. Or the first time the days change, she doesn't realize that "hey wait a minute, one minute i'm sleeping on my couch with one set of clothes, now I'm in my bed with a different set of clothes'....WHAT THE FUCK. Now come on....I EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I WAS WEARING AND WHERE THE FUCK WAS I SLEEPING DURING THE NITE. But whatever...fuck this PG-13 shittastic movie.
Dead Silence
The second film made by James Wan, the director of Saw. A man and his wife find a ventriloquist dummy set upon their doorstep one day. Later on, the wife is killed in a horrific matter. Now the husband heads back to his hometown, where a local legend is linked to the same dummy that was on their doorstep. It tells the legend of Mary Shaw, a woman who was a ventriloquist and later on was murdered. She had no children, only dolls. And if you scream, that's when Mary Shaw strikes. This is a pretty decent film with a cool ending. I'll never see it again, but it was good to see the flick at least once. There's a good old fashioned mood and atmosphere running throughout the movie, with Argento like use of colors and creepy uses of the dummies. What really got me interested were the few scenes where the ambient soundtrack goes silent (hence the title)...it works very well and it created a couple of nicely tensed scenes. The dummies look great, they're well done and extremely creepy. But I guess I've had my fill of ghost stories for a while: There's been The Ring, The Ring 2, Pulse, The Grudge, The Grudge 2, The Return, Darkness Falls, Dark Water, The Messengers, not to mention all of the Japanese films (Ringu, Juon, Infection, R-Point, A Tale of Two Sisters, The Eye). Still, all in all this is a pretty good film. Definately worth at least one look.
Sequel to the Hills Have Eye remake directed by Alexander Aja. I loved that film...even more so than Wes Craven's original film. Craven's original...I always thought was too slow, too boring, and not the least bit scary. But the remake had a better cast, I thought there was more tension, the soundtrack by Tomandandy was haunting and at other times adrenaline-pumping, the gore was plentifuly and brutul, and the third act of the film really picked up in the action department. When Aaran Stanford, a father trying to get his baby back, finally turns the tables on the villains it's an exciting scene....I was cheering (on the inside at least) and it got me pumped up (and this was after a wonderfully brutul fight scene between Dough (Stanford) and Pluto (Michael Bailey Smith). In other words, I very much loved the flick.
So the film cost about $15-$20 million and and it made about $40 million...so a sequel was quickly under way and it comes out about a year precisely when the remake came out. A group of National Guardsmen (and two women) set out in the desert on a training exercise. They befall a group of mutants and the soldiers are killed off one by one. This is a junk food movie....not good for the brain, but fun for easy thrills. For some reason this was an easy watch for me. Maybe because all the negative hype had me prepared for what I was about to see. Or maybe seeing what amounts to a feeling of the slasher films of the 1980's on the screen is certainly my idea of fun. Either it got bad enough for me to like it, or simple and straight to the point enough for me to be mildly entertained. A pretty good sized bodycount, a few good bits of gore (a cut off arm, a head being pounded and squashed by a big stone, etc.), a decent score (with some bits from the score in the first film), and a pretty fair pace (about 3 or so people are killed from the get go in the beginning of the film) makes this a dumb, fun throwback to the slasher flicks of the '80's, to which I'm a huge fan of those kinds of movies. Although the characters are thinner than paper, you've seen all this kind of stuff before, the make-up on the mutants is horrible, and the kills aren't really that imaginative....I was entertained. Like I said before...either it was kinda fun to watch, or it got bad enough for me to laugh and thus still be entertained.
Premonition with Sandra Bullock....oh boy.
The story tells of Bullock being a wife and mother of two, who finds out one day that her husband has passed on from a car accident. The next day she wakes up, her husband is alive. It seems that each day becomes a different point in time. One day it is sometime before the accident, the next day is sometime after the accident, and so on. I'm sorry but this film just BORED THE SHIT OUT OF ME. It wasn't scary...it's not really a horror film at all. It's more like a Twilight Zone episode stretched out to 90-some minutes. One thing that bugged me.....one of these days after the accident, she gets put into an asylum , is medicated, and possible arrested. But then it's never touched on again....either I completely missed the part where they explained HOW'D SHE GET OUT OF THE FUCKING ASYLUM or this movie didn't do its' job. There's just nothing fun about this movie...it's like watching paint dry. Don't get me wrong, I like Sandra Bullock. But she can't save this film from being a complete bore....and her character gets on my nerves as well. There were many times where I was yelling....FUCKING DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT, SO DO SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF THE BLUE AND CHANGE THE FUCKING TIMELINE. Like there was a funeral on Saturday she went to....then she wakes up to a day before it and her mom asks "when shall we have the funeral." Sandy says "tomorrow" (Saturday) and the mom looks at her like...'really, that soon?' She simply says 'yeah.' And this is the same woman who CALLED THE ASYLUM AND PUT YOUR ASS INTO TH EIR CAUSE SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE OUT OF IT! Why didn't she just change the funeral...just to see how that could change. Make it Monday, or next week, or next month, something. Or the first time the days change, she doesn't realize that "hey wait a minute, one minute i'm sleeping on my couch with one set of clothes, now I'm in my bed with a different set of clothes'....WHAT THE FUCK. Now come on....I EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I WAS WEARING AND WHERE THE FUCK WAS I SLEEPING DURING THE NITE. But whatever...fuck this PG-13 shittastic movie.
Dead Silence
The second film made by James Wan, the director of Saw. A man and his wife find a ventriloquist dummy set upon their doorstep one day. Later on, the wife is killed in a horrific matter. Now the husband heads back to his hometown, where a local legend is linked to the same dummy that was on their doorstep. It tells the legend of Mary Shaw, a woman who was a ventriloquist and later on was murdered. She had no children, only dolls. And if you scream, that's when Mary Shaw strikes. This is a pretty decent film with a cool ending. I'll never see it again, but it was good to see the flick at least once. There's a good old fashioned mood and atmosphere running throughout the movie, with Argento like use of colors and creepy uses of the dummies. What really got me interested were the few scenes where the ambient soundtrack goes silent (hence the title)...it works very well and it created a couple of nicely tensed scenes. The dummies look great, they're well done and extremely creepy. But I guess I've had my fill of ghost stories for a while: There's been The Ring, The Ring 2, Pulse, The Grudge, The Grudge 2, The Return, Darkness Falls, Dark Water, The Messengers, not to mention all of the Japanese films (Ringu, Juon, Infection, R-Point, A Tale of Two Sisters, The Eye). Still, all in all this is a pretty good film. Definately worth at least one look.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Review: Live Free or Die Hard
I'm a huge fan of the Die Hard films. The first is a classic in the genre. Die Hard 2 I loved, especially the great ejector sequence. Die Hard with a Vengeance I had a ball with, especially the team of Samuel L. Jackson and Bruce Willis working very well together. A solid trilogy of films for me.
Now this was the number one film I was looking forward to all summer. The trailers kicked ass, and I was super pumped...until the PG-13 rating befell it. Then bad mouth starting coming in about it, and my hopes were shaken. When I saw the film, I expected it to go either way.
But I learned a listen: GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCT. THIS FILM FUCKING ROCKED AND ROLLED!!
The film starts off with a pretty brief look at our baddies. Timothy Olyphant and his cohort/girlfriend Maggie Q are techno-terrorists trying to wreak havoc over Washington D.C. In that first 10 or so minutes we are also introduced once again to the great John McClane. Older, balder, and on the rocks with his daughter...he goes on a seemingly routine detail to talk with computer hacker Justin Long. But the baddies want him dead, and try to off him. But they didn't count on one thing....don't fuck with McClane.
A huge ride is the best way to call this film. After the first 10 minutes the film just goes into hyperdrive and never stops. I mean the pace is very brisk and fast....there are hardly any slow spots at all. This is a great thing for an action film....it never gets boring!
Acting: Bruce Willis seems to start off a little slow in the first couple minutes we see him. But when the shit starts hitting th fan....he's back baby! Willis commands his role excellently. He's funny, you really get to care about him again, and he handles the action very well. Willis owns this movie and he takes it to the limit. It was great to see him as McClane once again. Long did better than I thought as the sidekick/hacker friend. He was funny, and I cared about him. Olyphant was ok as the villain. Not memorable but not horrible either. Maggie Q kicks well and looks hot doing it. Kevin Smith has a cameo as a hacker who Willis and Long come to for help. It was ok, I like Smith and it was cool to see him on screen as someone other than Silent Bob.
Action: Tons....and a lot done with real stuff. There's some CGI involved....but compare it to Transformers or Spider-Man 3 this took more of an 80's approach. The sequence in the garage with cars being smashed, cars flying, and ending with the cool as hell car flying into the helecopter made it memorable. I love the scene with the jet....most hate it because it's over the top but I don't mind it. Hell my fave film is Rambo II, one of the kings of over the top action. I just want to be pumped up, and this film did it in spades. Lots of old school explosions, some fisticuffs, and lots of McClane getting pounded....but getting back up for more.
I noticed the score at times hinted at the score in the original Die Hard. That was cool to listen to. Now the PG-13....it didn't bother me too much actually. Sure McClane doesn't say fuck a lot....but I can live with that. And the action may not have much blood, but it floored me to kingdom come. In other words, don't worry about the PG-13. Besides the DVD will be unrated/Rated R however they market it.
Bottom Line: Live Free or Die Hard is the best action film I've seen in a long while, and definately the best film I've seen this year. I loved it, it didn't let me down....in fact it was even better than my initial thoughts which is FUCKING EXCELLENT!!
Kick Ass Movie: Yippee Kay Aye, Motherfucker!!!!
Now this was the number one film I was looking forward to all summer. The trailers kicked ass, and I was super pumped...until the PG-13 rating befell it. Then bad mouth starting coming in about it, and my hopes were shaken. When I saw the film, I expected it to go either way.
But I learned a listen: GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCT. THIS FILM FUCKING ROCKED AND ROLLED!!
The film starts off with a pretty brief look at our baddies. Timothy Olyphant and his cohort/girlfriend Maggie Q are techno-terrorists trying to wreak havoc over Washington D.C. In that first 10 or so minutes we are also introduced once again to the great John McClane. Older, balder, and on the rocks with his daughter...he goes on a seemingly routine detail to talk with computer hacker Justin Long. But the baddies want him dead, and try to off him. But they didn't count on one thing....don't fuck with McClane.
A huge ride is the best way to call this film. After the first 10 minutes the film just goes into hyperdrive and never stops. I mean the pace is very brisk and fast....there are hardly any slow spots at all. This is a great thing for an action film....it never gets boring!
Acting: Bruce Willis seems to start off a little slow in the first couple minutes we see him. But when the shit starts hitting th fan....he's back baby! Willis commands his role excellently. He's funny, you really get to care about him again, and he handles the action very well. Willis owns this movie and he takes it to the limit. It was great to see him as McClane once again. Long did better than I thought as the sidekick/hacker friend. He was funny, and I cared about him. Olyphant was ok as the villain. Not memorable but not horrible either. Maggie Q kicks well and looks hot doing it. Kevin Smith has a cameo as a hacker who Willis and Long come to for help. It was ok, I like Smith and it was cool to see him on screen as someone other than Silent Bob.
Action: Tons....and a lot done with real stuff. There's some CGI involved....but compare it to Transformers or Spider-Man 3 this took more of an 80's approach. The sequence in the garage with cars being smashed, cars flying, and ending with the cool as hell car flying into the helecopter made it memorable. I love the scene with the jet....most hate it because it's over the top but I don't mind it. Hell my fave film is Rambo II, one of the kings of over the top action. I just want to be pumped up, and this film did it in spades. Lots of old school explosions, some fisticuffs, and lots of McClane getting pounded....but getting back up for more.
I noticed the score at times hinted at the score in the original Die Hard. That was cool to listen to. Now the PG-13....it didn't bother me too much actually. Sure McClane doesn't say fuck a lot....but I can live with that. And the action may not have much blood, but it floored me to kingdom come. In other words, don't worry about the PG-13. Besides the DVD will be unrated/Rated R however they market it.
Bottom Line: Live Free or Die Hard is the best action film I've seen in a long while, and definately the best film I've seen this year. I loved it, it didn't let me down....in fact it was even better than my initial thoughts which is FUCKING EXCELLENT!!
Kick Ass Movie: Yippee Kay Aye, Motherfucker!!!!
Mini Reviews Of Films I've Seen Recently
First Blood
When Vietnam vet John Rambo is pushed by the local redneck sheriff and his crew, Rambo pushes back…big time. Sylvester Stallone delivers in the most dramatic of the three, as does Jerry Goldsmith’s
memorable score. When Rambo stalks deputies in the woods, it’s fun yet edgy times at the movies. Plus it teaches a good lesson…treat Vietnam veterans with respect. Stallone has a final speech which I find very touching, despite what some critics say. Colonel Trautman, played by Richard Crenna, is fantastic as well, while Brian Dennehy does great as bad guy Sheriff Teasle. Plus, lots of good old fashioned action including his escape from the jail, climbing along the cliff, and returning to the town with an M60 machine gun.
Rambo: First Blood Part II
My favorite of the trilogy, and without a doubt the quintessential action picture. Rambo shooting explosive-tipped arrows. Rambo blowing up a village and kicking ass with a helicopter. Battles/firefights, one on one helicopter fights, all done with good old fashioned badass ways instead of the overdone CGI of today. I miss movies like this one. You also have Jerry Goldsmith’s fantastic score, one of the best scores of all time, and Stallone at his action-packed, memorable best. The film deals with Rambo being allowed to go back to Vietnam, where he rescues American POWs. Simple but yet wholly effective. Perhaps my
favorite action picture of all time.
Rambo III
Rambo finds out that his friend Trautman is taken prisoner in Afghanistan. Rambo goes there to rescue him, and ultimately helps the rebels against the Russian army. Underappreciated, this is a big ole blast of action and excitement. Very well staged, excellently shot old school action sequences. It’s over the top, but in a fun way. I must admit there are a few slow spots, but the film has such a big scope in its’ action. The ending has been criticized, but I absolutely loved it. One piece of dialogue is very badass (Colonel: “What do you think John?“ Rambo: “Fuck ‘em!“) Scenes of him taking out sentries in a cave is pure fun times. And the ending is an awesome assembly of Rambo kicking some major ass against the whole Russian army, with another wonderful Jerry Goldsmith score, with a huge fun as hell scope to the whole thing. I’ll take this film against all the other over edited, politically correct action films coming out today. A great film.
Young Frankenstein
Many say this is the best Mel Brooks film, but I disagree. It has a few laughs as Gene Wilder decides to take over his dad’s work. The best scene is blind man Gene Hackman interacting with monster Peter Boyle, as they sit down and have a drink. Truthfully I just didn’t find it funny, I’ll take Spaceballs any day of the week.
Xtro
Strange sci-fi picture about a man who gets abducted, turns into a creature, comes back and rapes a blonde woman, then that same woman gives birth to that same man in original form. Then that same man gets into a custody battle with his ex-wife for their son. All I can say is…what? Slow paced, very dumb…but is has nerve (a woman giving birth to a full grown man) and extra gooey gore. Plus, a stupid, annoying ending. Check it once for the gore, then throw it away.
The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
Great cast, especially the hero character of Doug. He goes through the ’wimp turned badass phase, and I loved every minute of it. The film is about a family trapped in the desert with a bunch of cannibalistic mutants preying on them. Tomandandy gives a both eerie and adrenaline-pumping score. Especially in the third act, which is fantastically brutal and gory. The trailer attack sequence is nerve-wrecking, and I’ll say it again this is one brutal and gory movie. The third act, where Doug fights in order to get his baby back, is exciting, enthralling, hardcore, and very satisfying.
Doogal
3-D animated film about a candy-loving dog named Doogal who joins with a group of misfits to save the world from the evil Zeebad (Jon Stewart) who’s intent on freezing the world. He’s joined by guitar-playing, sleepy rabbit Dylan (Jimmy Fallon) who sounds like a hippie, Whoopi Goldberg as opera-singing cow Ermintrude, bashful snail Brian (William H. Macy), and their helpful train (Chevy Chase). Judi Dench is the narrator, Ian McKellan is a good wizard, and Kevin Smith is a moose who farts a lot. Wow…what a boring
and uneventful piece of dog shit! When watching this on DVD I fast forwarded through most of it…the animation isn’t the high caliber of Shrek or even Open Season. But the worse part is that there are so damn many 3-D animated films which are ten times funnier, 20 times more exciting, and especially not as gag and vomit inducing as this filth. I may sound harsh…I like films like Shrek…but this is just not funny at all. The themes of friendship is more of the ‘I’m going to puke if they don’t shut up’ quality. And nothing happens that you haven’t seen before. A character fighting Matrix style? (Cameron Diaz in Shrek). Characters sliding on a long icy slope while a song kicks in (Ice Age)? You’ve probably seen most of what happens on your kid’s Saturday morning cartoon, and thankfully the film is short. It’s only saving grace is a high caliber voice talent…but even then only 3 stand out. Jimmy Fallon got a few laughs out of me as hippie-like rabbit…I enjoyed watching his character. Jon Stewart made a good bad guy, while Kevin Smith I’ve always been a huge fan of (although he has very little screen time in this flick unfortunately). The others…not so good. Narrator Dench sounds bored, McKellan can play wizards in his sleep by now (cough Lord of the Rings trilogy cough), Macy is annoying, and Goldberg I’m sorry to say has not been funny the first Sister Act…or maybe back to Jumping Jack Flash. Chase did okay as the train but they didn’t use his voice too much. And oh boy the main character of Doogal…that character was so annoying, kept getting everyone in trouble (he accidentally started the events in place), and had one of the most irritating voices in animation history. I literally wanted to reach in and strangle him…instead I prayed they put this mutt down. Unfortunately my request went unnoticed. Now I realize why this film went so damn unnoticed, it made like maybe $5 million total (which is pathetic). But it fits cause the film is also pathetic AVOID PIECE OF PUTRID, VILE SHIT ON ALL COSTS OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES. Go check out Ice Age or hell even Happy Feet instead of this. Again please lets put Doogal to sleep for good, that would make my day.
The Man
If this film didn’t star Samuel L. Jackson (who can do no wrong), I wouldn’t have even wasted my time on this mediocre effort. Tough cop Jackson joins with a talkative teeth expert (Eugene Levy) as they try to take down some gun runners. Pretty much it…again you’ve seen this so many times before from 48 Hours to Bad Boys that you have to do something very different or very special to make it memorable. This does not. Again Jackson is the only saving grace, as he plays tough and comedy very well. But even Levy I truthfully never laughed at anything he did…I just kept getting reminded of another film he did called Armed and Dangerous with John Candy. He also played a talkative, nervous guy paired up with a tough cop (well former cop, and as tough as John Candy can be). It was funny in that film but not in this. He was not annoying but also not as hysterical as a film like this need to separate it from the dozens of buddy/cop flicks. The plot is…wait was there a plot? Anyway the always great Miguel Ferrer made an appearance which is always a good thing. The bad guy by Luke Goss is typical. Bottom line: if you are a huge Samuel L. Jackson fan give it a once over look. Otherwise, skip it and watch one of the other dozens of buddy/cop films (Rush Hour 1 and 2, etc.). Best word to describe this flick is: forgettable!
The Benchwarmers
Rob Schneider, David Spade, and Jon Heder star as 3 older guys who know a thing about bullies. While helping a kid from the neighborhood bullies, they decide to form a 3 man baseball team to challenge the state’s best little leaguers. Bottom line, I enjoyed the film. It was well paced, funny, and the cast made the difference. I like both Spade and Heder and I thought they were funny. You also had Jon Lovitz as a rich guy who has lots of Star Wars memorabilia and one point drives K.I.T.T the car from ‘Knight Rider.’ Some very funny moments like coach Tim Meadows grabbing an older Mexican man who gets drunk and starts shouting “Maria.” Good for a couple laughs, and it’s easy entertainment. But saying that I wouldn’t watch it again. Kind of a forgettable viewing.
When Vietnam vet John Rambo is pushed by the local redneck sheriff and his crew, Rambo pushes back…big time. Sylvester Stallone delivers in the most dramatic of the three, as does Jerry Goldsmith’s
memorable score. When Rambo stalks deputies in the woods, it’s fun yet edgy times at the movies. Plus it teaches a good lesson…treat Vietnam veterans with respect. Stallone has a final speech which I find very touching, despite what some critics say. Colonel Trautman, played by Richard Crenna, is fantastic as well, while Brian Dennehy does great as bad guy Sheriff Teasle. Plus, lots of good old fashioned action including his escape from the jail, climbing along the cliff, and returning to the town with an M60 machine gun.
Rambo: First Blood Part II
My favorite of the trilogy, and without a doubt the quintessential action picture. Rambo shooting explosive-tipped arrows. Rambo blowing up a village and kicking ass with a helicopter. Battles/firefights, one on one helicopter fights, all done with good old fashioned badass ways instead of the overdone CGI of today. I miss movies like this one. You also have Jerry Goldsmith’s fantastic score, one of the best scores of all time, and Stallone at his action-packed, memorable best. The film deals with Rambo being allowed to go back to Vietnam, where he rescues American POWs. Simple but yet wholly effective. Perhaps my
favorite action picture of all time.
Rambo III
Rambo finds out that his friend Trautman is taken prisoner in Afghanistan. Rambo goes there to rescue him, and ultimately helps the rebels against the Russian army. Underappreciated, this is a big ole blast of action and excitement. Very well staged, excellently shot old school action sequences. It’s over the top, but in a fun way. I must admit there are a few slow spots, but the film has such a big scope in its’ action. The ending has been criticized, but I absolutely loved it. One piece of dialogue is very badass (Colonel: “What do you think John?“ Rambo: “Fuck ‘em!“) Scenes of him taking out sentries in a cave is pure fun times. And the ending is an awesome assembly of Rambo kicking some major ass against the whole Russian army, with another wonderful Jerry Goldsmith score, with a huge fun as hell scope to the whole thing. I’ll take this film against all the other over edited, politically correct action films coming out today. A great film.
Young Frankenstein
Many say this is the best Mel Brooks film, but I disagree. It has a few laughs as Gene Wilder decides to take over his dad’s work. The best scene is blind man Gene Hackman interacting with monster Peter Boyle, as they sit down and have a drink. Truthfully I just didn’t find it funny, I’ll take Spaceballs any day of the week.
Xtro
Strange sci-fi picture about a man who gets abducted, turns into a creature, comes back and rapes a blonde woman, then that same woman gives birth to that same man in original form. Then that same man gets into a custody battle with his ex-wife for their son. All I can say is…what? Slow paced, very dumb…but is has nerve (a woman giving birth to a full grown man) and extra gooey gore. Plus, a stupid, annoying ending. Check it once for the gore, then throw it away.
The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
Great cast, especially the hero character of Doug. He goes through the ’wimp turned badass phase, and I loved every minute of it. The film is about a family trapped in the desert with a bunch of cannibalistic mutants preying on them. Tomandandy gives a both eerie and adrenaline-pumping score. Especially in the third act, which is fantastically brutal and gory. The trailer attack sequence is nerve-wrecking, and I’ll say it again this is one brutal and gory movie. The third act, where Doug fights in order to get his baby back, is exciting, enthralling, hardcore, and very satisfying.
Doogal
3-D animated film about a candy-loving dog named Doogal who joins with a group of misfits to save the world from the evil Zeebad (Jon Stewart) who’s intent on freezing the world. He’s joined by guitar-playing, sleepy rabbit Dylan (Jimmy Fallon) who sounds like a hippie, Whoopi Goldberg as opera-singing cow Ermintrude, bashful snail Brian (William H. Macy), and their helpful train (Chevy Chase). Judi Dench is the narrator, Ian McKellan is a good wizard, and Kevin Smith is a moose who farts a lot. Wow…what a boring
and uneventful piece of dog shit! When watching this on DVD I fast forwarded through most of it…the animation isn’t the high caliber of Shrek or even Open Season. But the worse part is that there are so damn many 3-D animated films which are ten times funnier, 20 times more exciting, and especially not as gag and vomit inducing as this filth. I may sound harsh…I like films like Shrek…but this is just not funny at all. The themes of friendship is more of the ‘I’m going to puke if they don’t shut up’ quality. And nothing happens that you haven’t seen before. A character fighting Matrix style? (Cameron Diaz in Shrek). Characters sliding on a long icy slope while a song kicks in (Ice Age)? You’ve probably seen most of what happens on your kid’s Saturday morning cartoon, and thankfully the film is short. It’s only saving grace is a high caliber voice talent…but even then only 3 stand out. Jimmy Fallon got a few laughs out of me as hippie-like rabbit…I enjoyed watching his character. Jon Stewart made a good bad guy, while Kevin Smith I’ve always been a huge fan of (although he has very little screen time in this flick unfortunately). The others…not so good. Narrator Dench sounds bored, McKellan can play wizards in his sleep by now (cough Lord of the Rings trilogy cough), Macy is annoying, and Goldberg I’m sorry to say has not been funny the first Sister Act…or maybe back to Jumping Jack Flash. Chase did okay as the train but they didn’t use his voice too much. And oh boy the main character of Doogal…that character was so annoying, kept getting everyone in trouble (he accidentally started the events in place), and had one of the most irritating voices in animation history. I literally wanted to reach in and strangle him…instead I prayed they put this mutt down. Unfortunately my request went unnoticed. Now I realize why this film went so damn unnoticed, it made like maybe $5 million total (which is pathetic). But it fits cause the film is also pathetic AVOID PIECE OF PUTRID, VILE SHIT ON ALL COSTS OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES. Go check out Ice Age or hell even Happy Feet instead of this. Again please lets put Doogal to sleep for good, that would make my day.
The Man
If this film didn’t star Samuel L. Jackson (who can do no wrong), I wouldn’t have even wasted my time on this mediocre effort. Tough cop Jackson joins with a talkative teeth expert (Eugene Levy) as they try to take down some gun runners. Pretty much it…again you’ve seen this so many times before from 48 Hours to Bad Boys that you have to do something very different or very special to make it memorable. This does not. Again Jackson is the only saving grace, as he plays tough and comedy very well. But even Levy I truthfully never laughed at anything he did…I just kept getting reminded of another film he did called Armed and Dangerous with John Candy. He also played a talkative, nervous guy paired up with a tough cop (well former cop, and as tough as John Candy can be). It was funny in that film but not in this. He was not annoying but also not as hysterical as a film like this need to separate it from the dozens of buddy/cop flicks. The plot is…wait was there a plot? Anyway the always great Miguel Ferrer made an appearance which is always a good thing. The bad guy by Luke Goss is typical. Bottom line: if you are a huge Samuel L. Jackson fan give it a once over look. Otherwise, skip it and watch one of the other dozens of buddy/cop films (Rush Hour 1 and 2, etc.). Best word to describe this flick is: forgettable!
The Benchwarmers
Rob Schneider, David Spade, and Jon Heder star as 3 older guys who know a thing about bullies. While helping a kid from the neighborhood bullies, they decide to form a 3 man baseball team to challenge the state’s best little leaguers. Bottom line, I enjoyed the film. It was well paced, funny, and the cast made the difference. I like both Spade and Heder and I thought they were funny. You also had Jon Lovitz as a rich guy who has lots of Star Wars memorabilia and one point drives K.I.T.T the car from ‘Knight Rider.’ Some very funny moments like coach Tim Meadows grabbing an older Mexican man who gets drunk and starts shouting “Maria.” Good for a couple laughs, and it’s easy entertainment. But saying that I wouldn’t watch it again. Kind of a forgettable viewing.
Why I Think Spider-Man 3 Sucks!!!
CLUSTERFUCK…THAT’S THE WORD OF THE DAY TO DESCRIBE THIS FILM. LOOK IN THE DICTIONARY AND YOU’LL FIND A PICTURE OF THE POSTER OF SPIDER MAN 3 IN IT.
1. For a film having the biggest budget ever…the big action scene at the end was a huge disappointment…boredom was the perfect way to describe it.
2. I never liked Tobey Maguire as Spider Man…I just don’t believe him in the part, and he can’t deliver a wisecrack to save his life. Spider Man in the comics was so cool because he was funny with his wisecracks…much like John McClane in the Die Hard films. The pretty much lost that in the movies….he only did it what maybe 5 times at most through 3 films? And even those are stupid, cheesy, and so damn unfunny. Huge disappointment in that department.
3. Mary Jane was a sexy, cool character in the comics. There was an issue in which Mary Jane sees Parker down in the dumps. So, to cheer him up, she takes off her clothes and says “Let’s shoot some photos for our private collection.” That is a cool character lol….Mary Jane in the comics was sexy, fiery, a free spirit. It helps that she was a supermodel in the comics…what’s wrong with that? But in the movies she wants to be an actress….and she is also the most selfish, annoying, whiny, ball breaking bitch in comic film history. Even at the end of Spider Man 2 she fucking leaves a guy at the altar…in her fucking wedding dress. It reminded me of Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer…when the girl tells him why she didn’t wanna get married on their wedding day and he says “That’s something you could have told me YESTERDAY.“ And even more so in this third film…I was ready to tell Parker “Fuck Mary Jane…leave that bitch and go with Gwen Stacy.”
4. Harry and Peter gave Sam and Frodo a run for their money in the whole ‘Are these two gonna fuck already?’ category…ugh.
5. At times I thought I was watching a fucking day time soap opera….shit Harry actually gets amnesia after a fight….lazy scriptwriting at it’s worst.
6. Speaking of lazy scriptwriting…we’ve seen all this shit before…dealing with Uncle Ben’s killer…Mary Jane and Peter Parker still acting like little kids in their relationships (this is the third god damn movie people!!)
7. Gwen Stacy…why the fuck was she in it…she’s in it for like 5-7 minutes and that’s it…fucking pointless to the extreme.
8. Jesus Christ on a candle stick, why in the holy hell is Spider Man getting his ass handed to him at the end…I counted at least 4 times where he needed Harry’s help otherwise he would have been dead as a shitty doornail. 4 TIMES!!! Spider Man at times in the comics was fucking fighting the Sinister Six…that’s SIX people…here he can’t handle 2 motherfuckers. Christ even Batman handled both the Penguin and Catwoman at the same time. Or Superman battled 3 Krypton bad asses in Superman II by himself. Maybe Maguire’s sissified essence has passed onto Spider Man during battle
9. Random was the film’s fucking baseline. How does Sandman come to be? Oh well he runs for like a minute against cops…gets into a high tech whatever (no explanation as to what the fuck this place is)….a whirly gig thing with sand spins around and then Sandman is born….was I the only one that was saying ‘holy shit balls of fire, what in the flying fuck is going on here.’ Sure it looks kinda cool looking…but compared to the last two it’s not excusable. Also the black symbiotic being…it just falls from the sky and magically it’s at the same time as Parker rides his little scooter . Convenient, very convenient.
10. EMO Peter Parker…see I thought this story was going to be dark ala Batman Begins. Evil…revenge…darkness….nope try HUGE FUCKING JOKE! I’D RATHER MY ASS FUCKED BY A TELEPHONE POLE THAN WATCH PARKER LOOKING LIKE A DRAG QUEEN DANCING THE FUCKING NIGHT AWAY…was Sam Raimi smoking crack or cocaine or whatever during this…cause if so I’d like to have some. You know what, never mind cause it obviously FUCKS YOUR MIND UP BIG TIME ugh.
But you know the biggest sin in this film…it’s one word…VENOM. Now of course you would not know his name was Venom based on this film…it’s never uttered ONE FUCKING TIME. That’s right you never hear the word Venom…WHAT THE FUCK? Besides the Venom we love is in the film for what…10 minutes at most? 10 FUCKING MINUTES…YOUR WHOLE GOD DAMN MARKETING CAMPAIGN IS ABOUT VENOM IN SOME SHAPE OR FORM…AND YOU GOT 250 MILLION BUCKS AND YOU ONLY HAVE VENOM FOR 10 FUCKING MINUTES…and then they blow him the fuck up. Holy sheep shit, does that suck. Venom looked cool too….for the 3 or so times we actually saw the damn thing. If you are a Venom fan, you will feel like you got FUCKED IN THE ASS WITH A RUSTED CHAINSAW. Hell we all know that Sam Raimi doesn’t like Venom, never wanted to do Venom, and oh boy does it show. WELL GOOD JOB BUDDY YOU FUCKED UP VENOM FOREVERMORE IN CINEMA FORM. HOPE YOU’RE DAMN PROUD OF YOURSELF.
Whew sorry bout that rant…but come on all this hype about Venom and then the result is this shitty and…well small. Again I know I’m repeating myself but hearing that it’s a $250 million budget I was expecting a huge bit of Venom…but nope.
All in all…this film disappointed in every way imaginable…it wasn’t dark but instead a joke in a half. Dark Peter Parker wouldn’t be scary at a 5 year old’s birthday party. My dead grandmother could kick evil Parker’s ass in either form. The film could have just been about Venom…he deserved is own film but this is what happens when they get greedy. What I mean by that is San wanted Sandman, the studios wanted Venom, and both understood it would make a killing opening weekend. And it did, making like it’s entire production budget in one weekend. WELL WHOOPIE FUCKING DO, I’M IMPRESSED. NO YOU KNOW WHAT I AM, I’M FUCKING PISSED OFF. FUCK YOU!
Sam Raimi, don’t do Spider Man anymore. You lost your fucking rights…and cast new people to be Spidey and Mary Jane. Make Mary Jane the sexy fiery sass she is in the comics, and make Peter not so much cheesy and more regular guy like (aka ACT FUCKING NORMAL, NOT LIKE YOUR ONE OF THE MY THREE SONS). This series is done. And it’s weird how many times you have an awesome part 2 and then a shitty part 3...like from Blade 2 to Blade: Trinity….X2 to X-Men: The Last Stand…..and now Spider Man 2 to Spider Man 3. Bottom line:
THIS MOVIE SUCKS THE SWEAT OFF MY BALLS
THE END
1. For a film having the biggest budget ever…the big action scene at the end was a huge disappointment…boredom was the perfect way to describe it.
2. I never liked Tobey Maguire as Spider Man…I just don’t believe him in the part, and he can’t deliver a wisecrack to save his life. Spider Man in the comics was so cool because he was funny with his wisecracks…much like John McClane in the Die Hard films. The pretty much lost that in the movies….he only did it what maybe 5 times at most through 3 films? And even those are stupid, cheesy, and so damn unfunny. Huge disappointment in that department.
3. Mary Jane was a sexy, cool character in the comics. There was an issue in which Mary Jane sees Parker down in the dumps. So, to cheer him up, she takes off her clothes and says “Let’s shoot some photos for our private collection.” That is a cool character lol….Mary Jane in the comics was sexy, fiery, a free spirit. It helps that she was a supermodel in the comics…what’s wrong with that? But in the movies she wants to be an actress….and she is also the most selfish, annoying, whiny, ball breaking bitch in comic film history. Even at the end of Spider Man 2 she fucking leaves a guy at the altar…in her fucking wedding dress. It reminded me of Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer…when the girl tells him why she didn’t wanna get married on their wedding day and he says “That’s something you could have told me YESTERDAY.“ And even more so in this third film…I was ready to tell Parker “Fuck Mary Jane…leave that bitch and go with Gwen Stacy.”
4. Harry and Peter gave Sam and Frodo a run for their money in the whole ‘Are these two gonna fuck already?’ category…ugh.
5. At times I thought I was watching a fucking day time soap opera….shit Harry actually gets amnesia after a fight….lazy scriptwriting at it’s worst.
6. Speaking of lazy scriptwriting…we’ve seen all this shit before…dealing with Uncle Ben’s killer…Mary Jane and Peter Parker still acting like little kids in their relationships (this is the third god damn movie people!!)
7. Gwen Stacy…why the fuck was she in it…she’s in it for like 5-7 minutes and that’s it…fucking pointless to the extreme.
8. Jesus Christ on a candle stick, why in the holy hell is Spider Man getting his ass handed to him at the end…I counted at least 4 times where he needed Harry’s help otherwise he would have been dead as a shitty doornail. 4 TIMES!!! Spider Man at times in the comics was fucking fighting the Sinister Six…that’s SIX people…here he can’t handle 2 motherfuckers. Christ even Batman handled both the Penguin and Catwoman at the same time. Or Superman battled 3 Krypton bad asses in Superman II by himself. Maybe Maguire’s sissified essence has passed onto Spider Man during battle
9. Random was the film’s fucking baseline. How does Sandman come to be? Oh well he runs for like a minute against cops…gets into a high tech whatever (no explanation as to what the fuck this place is)….a whirly gig thing with sand spins around and then Sandman is born….was I the only one that was saying ‘holy shit balls of fire, what in the flying fuck is going on here.’ Sure it looks kinda cool looking…but compared to the last two it’s not excusable. Also the black symbiotic being…it just falls from the sky and magically it’s at the same time as Parker rides his little scooter . Convenient, very convenient.
10. EMO Peter Parker…see I thought this story was going to be dark ala Batman Begins. Evil…revenge…darkness….nope try HUGE FUCKING JOKE! I’D RATHER MY ASS FUCKED BY A TELEPHONE POLE THAN WATCH PARKER LOOKING LIKE A DRAG QUEEN DANCING THE FUCKING NIGHT AWAY…was Sam Raimi smoking crack or cocaine or whatever during this…cause if so I’d like to have some. You know what, never mind cause it obviously FUCKS YOUR MIND UP BIG TIME ugh.
But you know the biggest sin in this film…it’s one word…VENOM. Now of course you would not know his name was Venom based on this film…it’s never uttered ONE FUCKING TIME. That’s right you never hear the word Venom…WHAT THE FUCK? Besides the Venom we love is in the film for what…10 minutes at most? 10 FUCKING MINUTES…YOUR WHOLE GOD DAMN MARKETING CAMPAIGN IS ABOUT VENOM IN SOME SHAPE OR FORM…AND YOU GOT 250 MILLION BUCKS AND YOU ONLY HAVE VENOM FOR 10 FUCKING MINUTES…and then they blow him the fuck up. Holy sheep shit, does that suck. Venom looked cool too….for the 3 or so times we actually saw the damn thing. If you are a Venom fan, you will feel like you got FUCKED IN THE ASS WITH A RUSTED CHAINSAW. Hell we all know that Sam Raimi doesn’t like Venom, never wanted to do Venom, and oh boy does it show. WELL GOOD JOB BUDDY YOU FUCKED UP VENOM FOREVERMORE IN CINEMA FORM. HOPE YOU’RE DAMN PROUD OF YOURSELF.
Whew sorry bout that rant…but come on all this hype about Venom and then the result is this shitty and…well small. Again I know I’m repeating myself but hearing that it’s a $250 million budget I was expecting a huge bit of Venom…but nope.
All in all…this film disappointed in every way imaginable…it wasn’t dark but instead a joke in a half. Dark Peter Parker wouldn’t be scary at a 5 year old’s birthday party. My dead grandmother could kick evil Parker’s ass in either form. The film could have just been about Venom…he deserved is own film but this is what happens when they get greedy. What I mean by that is San wanted Sandman, the studios wanted Venom, and both understood it would make a killing opening weekend. And it did, making like it’s entire production budget in one weekend. WELL WHOOPIE FUCKING DO, I’M IMPRESSED. NO YOU KNOW WHAT I AM, I’M FUCKING PISSED OFF. FUCK YOU!
Sam Raimi, don’t do Spider Man anymore. You lost your fucking rights…and cast new people to be Spidey and Mary Jane. Make Mary Jane the sexy fiery sass she is in the comics, and make Peter not so much cheesy and more regular guy like (aka ACT FUCKING NORMAL, NOT LIKE YOUR ONE OF THE MY THREE SONS). This series is done. And it’s weird how many times you have an awesome part 2 and then a shitty part 3...like from Blade 2 to Blade: Trinity….X2 to X-Men: The Last Stand…..and now Spider Man 2 to Spider Man 3. Bottom line:
THIS MOVIE SUCKS THE SWEAT OFF MY BALLS
THE END
Favorite Nightmare on Elm Street Film
Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master directed by Renny Harlin. It was the first Freddy film I ever saw, I loved the visuals to this day, and the soundtrack kicks a lot of ass. I loved the character Alice, and some very funny one liners by Freddy. I’ll always love and remember the montage with one of the greatest musical cords ever, where Alice stands in front of the mirror and prepares for battle. Good energy also throughout the flick. I also love Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors.
Favorite Friday the 13th Film
Friday the 13th Part 7: The New Blood. Although a lot of the blood got cut out from the ratings board, Kane Hodder as Jason was perfect. His look in this film was fantastically done by director John Carl Buechler, and the last 15 minutes had a lot of good action scenes. Lar Park Lincoln as Tina the telekinetic did a decent job, and it has a fair pace. A truly solid entry…and if the gore was put back into an uncut DVD then it would be the ultimate slasher film.
Top 10 Favorite Horror/Comedy Films
1. Tremors
2. Army of Darkness
3. Evil Dead 2
4. Fright Night
5. Waxwork II: Lost In Time
6. Arachnophobia
7. Bubba Ho-Tep
8. The Monster Squad
9. Gremlins
10. Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein
2. Army of Darkness
3. Evil Dead 2
4. Fright Night
5. Waxwork II: Lost In Time
6. Arachnophobia
7. Bubba Ho-Tep
8. The Monster Squad
9. Gremlins
10. Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein
Favorite Director
John Carpenter. I love all of his films…he definitely has a style all his own, and it’s one I’m very fond of because he knows how to create a creepy atmosphere. Films like The Thing, The Fog, In the Mouth of Madness, Assault on Precinct 13...they just ooze with creepy, moody atmosphere and it permeates the film so damn well. He definitely knows how to use the camera, especially the Steadicam, for perfect nail-biting suspense sequences. The opening of Halloween, or looking through the hallways of The Thing, are perfect examples on how expertly he uses the camera to great effect. He can do horror with The Thing, ghost story with The Fog, action with Escape from New York and Assault on Precinct 13, comedy with Big Trouble In Little China, and drama/love story with Starman. And I can’t go by without mentioning They Live, a great sci-fi and action flick. Plus, as an added bonus, he composes some of the best music ever heard in a horror film. He composes just about every film he makes, and pretty much all of them are classics. All in all, a top notch director who creates wonderful characters (Snake Plissken, Jack Burton, Michael Myers), atmosphere up the ass, old school techniques (no MTV style editing, which I’m thankful for in this day and age), and on top of that some of the best composing pieces/scores in any film. Carpenter is truly the master of suspense. My top 3 Carpenter films are:
1. The Thing 2. Big Trouble in Little China 3. They Live
1. The Thing 2. Big Trouble in Little China 3. They Live
Favorite Actor
Easy: Sylvester Stallone!! Most people, especially critics, make fun of the guy because of the way he talks. But for crying out loud, one half of the guy’s face was partially paralyzed do to birth complications. It’s been said that a doctor inadvertently struck one of the nerves on the left side of his face when he was born, thus the slurred speech. In other words, it isn’t his fucking fault!! And yet critics, especially the Razzies (awards show that talks about worst movies/performances of the year), make fun of him non stop. But I look up to him, and still do, because despite all that he made it. Big time!! He is one of the best physical performers ever…no one else in my mind can hold a gun like he did in the Rambo films. Besides that, I honestly love his performances. He’s easy to root for, likeable, tough, and yet you can tell he has a heart of gold. I love most of his films…his portrayals as John Rambo and Rocky Balboa are legendary to me. I can very much look up to both of these characters. But I also very much enjoyed Cobra, Lock Up, Cliffhanger, Over the Top, Tango and Cash, Demolition Man, Daylight, along with the Rocky and Rambo films…not to mention Cop Land. His story of how he got the film Rocky made always make me smile (he had a script, and even though he desperately needed the money he turned down the large offers in order to fight for the right to star in the lead role…which he played gangbusters.) That too, the fact he’s also a writer, I give great respect too…and I enjoy most of the scripts he’s written (the new film Rocky Balboa definitely proves to me that he is, in fact, a talented writer). I also enjoy the fact that in most of his films he seems to play the underdog, in one degree or another. Those types of characters are my favorite. So bottom line….I love the way he acts, he looks like how an action hero SHOULD look like (in my opinion), I think he has a cool sounding voice, I love almost all his movies (Judge Dredd is only ok…and Rhinestone I could have done without), and he has created 3 of the coolest characters of all time (Rambo, Cobra, and Rocky). Can’t wait for John Rambo Mr. Stallone…I know it will be awesome. My top 3 Stallone films are:
1. Rambo II 2. Cobra 3. Cliffhanger
1. Rambo II 2. Cobra 3. Cliffhanger
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer Thoughts
It looks interesting…but I can wait for it on DVD. The first film I thought was just okay/so-so. It was alright. I don’t think it’ll be too big a hit because I think many people, especially hardcore fans of Fantastic Four comics, were disappointed with the previous film. And it’s a busy summer (Die Hard 4 and Transformers come out very soon after). But it has one weekend by itself, and the next weekend it pretty much only has the Stephen King film 1408 to deal with. Plus the Silver Surfer character has intrigued many people, including me. It’s a cool character…it looks wonderful in the trailers, as well He has a great voice in the form of Laurence Fishburne. So that character, along with not much competition in those two weekends, might make it a surprise hit. So on a personal level, I can wait to see that on DVD…no problems with that for me. Business wise, the more I think about it could be a surprise hit based on the Silver Surfer character. But if it’s a flop, I will not be surprised in the slightest. This sequel has contempt from almost everybody on the internet….all sorts of sites have low expectations for it. But again who knows, we’ll see.
Update: The film has made about $127 million in the United States, with a budget about $130 million. And about a $232 million total worldwide....that kind of spells a flop in my eyes. I don't know how business is done though in Hollywood...but is it also about the DVD sales and worldwide receipts, or just domestic box office that determines it's a flop or a hit? If I guessed though, I'd say big disappointment. But not a big surprise to me.
Update: The film has made about $127 million in the United States, with a budget about $130 million. And about a $232 million total worldwide....that kind of spells a flop in my eyes. I don't know how business is done though in Hollywood...but is it also about the DVD sales and worldwide receipts, or just domestic box office that determines it's a flop or a hit? If I guessed though, I'd say big disappointment. But not a big surprise to me.
Why Did Hostel 2 flop at the box office?
For a number of reasons. First off, I think people are tired of the whole ‘torture’ genre. We’ve had Saw 1-3, Hills Have Eyes 1 and 2, Turistas, and Hostel. Another thing, I don’t think may people were eagerly awaiting a sequel to this film…aka NO ONE GAVE A SHIT! And Hostel 2, especially coming from the marketing campaign, basically sounds just like the first film…except instead of 3 guys it’s 3 girls. I know there’s the whole business man angle…but I don’t think that’s enough to entice anybody. Plus, the film came out I the middle of summer. It just got buried by all the huge studio films Ocean’s 13, Surf’s Up, Pirates 3, and Shrek 3 among others. It was truthfully a dumb mistake to release this film during such a hectic summer…plus I think not many people even knew the damn thing was out. Advertising wasn’t the best (and again, they made it sound like the same fucking movie you saw before). So there are many reasons why it flopped. It was no big surprise at all.
Personally I wasn't a big fan of the first film, so I had no desire to see this one.
Personally I wasn't a big fan of the first film, so I had no desire to see this one.
TV Shows
X-Files is my favorite show. I love the inventive, creepy stories. They are very smart, I love the characters, the actors David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson are perfect (wonderful chemistry), the rest of the cast is well acted throughout the whole series (including Robert Patrick in seasons 8 and 9 and Mitch Pileggi as A. D. Skinner), each episode seemed like a feature film, and the score by Mark Snow (especially the beginning titles) is fantastic. I definitely love the stand alone episodes, but the mythology episodes are interesting involving conspiracies, aliens, etc. Even the small bits of comedy is fun to watch, and appreciative among most of the very dramatic series. Lots of touching moments between the characters as well. I also love Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe, on the Discovery Channel. Basically Rowe is a guy who goes around the country looking for people who do dirty, disgusting jobs. And Rowe reacts like I would, like most people would when faced with jobs like sewer inspector, bell maker, ostrich farmer, alligator farmer, etc. And that’s what makes the show fun and funny to watch, as well as heartwarming in a way because it’s real people doing real jobs…certain jobs I never even new existed because they enjoy it and it’s there livelihood. So I love The X-Files and Dirty Jobs, those are my two favorite shows. I also love The Simpsons, Alf, Ghost Hunters, Quantum Leap, Millennium (darkest, creepiest show on TV ever), Kolchak: The Night Stalker (the original), and I very much love House M.D. Hugh Laurie on as Doctor House is one of the best, if not best, characters on TV today. House M.D. is a fun, funny, and very involving show/medical drama…in which a team of doctors headed by House (who always tells it like it is) to find the right cures and treatment for all sorts of weird, crazy symptoms. So I guess my Top 10 would be:
1. The X-Files
2. Dirty Jobs
3. The Simpsons
4. House M.D.
5. Alf
6. Ghost Hunters
7. Kolchak: The Night Stalker
8. Quantum Leap
9. Millennium
10. The Dead Zone
1. The X-Files
2. Dirty Jobs
3. The Simpsons
4. House M.D.
5. Alf
6. Ghost Hunters
7. Kolchak: The Night Stalker
8. Quantum Leap
9. Millennium
10. The Dead Zone
Horror Film of 2007...How Have They Been So Far?
So far, it has sucked. Sure we have two good horror flicks with Grindhouse and 28 Weeks Later…but there has not been one single horror film hit. Even going back to December…you had a shitty remake called Black Christmas and that flopped. In January the Hitcher remake flopped (and was pretty bad), and Primeval flopped so hard so fast that I never even got to see it at the theater. Other horror films like: Grindhouse, The Hills Have Eyes 2, The Reaping, The Messengers, Dead Silence, 28 Weeks Later, and now Hostel 2. Every single one of them flopped. And with all of these horror films not doing well…then studios may not be rushing to make that many horror films next year. The Stephen King flick 1408 with John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson? I don’t know that’s a toss up for me…it looks good and it may get one good weekend. But it may be crushed by the big boys since Die Hard 4 and Transformers will be coming out just right behind it. So I don’t know we’ll see about that. I do think though that the Halloween remake well be the first horror film hit. That’s mainly because there won’t be much competition (it comes out on August 31), the name alone will get people into the theaters, and I think there are a lot of Halloween fans that want to see a hardcore Michael Myers kicking ass and taking names (instead of getting beaten up by Busta Rhymes, or Myers chasing Dawson’s Creek type teenagers). So I think Halloween the remake will do well and make some money…whether it’ll be GOOD…who knows but we’ll all find out. Some would say Disturbia…it was a hit but to me that is not a horror film. It’s more of a teen thriller…but I don’t think a horror film can be PG-13...it just defeats the purpose. It’s like ‘we will scare you…but not that much’ or ‘we will mess with you…but we’ll hold back this much as well’. Coming out there will be the vampire flick 30 Days of Night, Resident Evil: Extinction, Saw IV, I Am Legend, and Alien Vs. Predator 2. So who knows…maybe we’ll get some welcome surprise hits later on for the horror film genre.
Favorite Genre....and Favorite Film In Each Genre
My favorite genre is horror, with action a very, very close second. After that it’s science fiction, comedy, and then family. My favorite horror film has to be John Carpenter’s The Thing. Perfect direction, well done suspense, terrific locale (the outpost in the Arctic), awesome FX by Rob Bottin (which still hold up today and is 10 times better than any CGI can ever be), a top notch cast (Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley, and Keith David), and it’s a film for me is truly perfect. I can’t think of any bad things to say about that flick. But I also love the original Dawn of the Dead, Jacob’s Ladder, the original The Hitcher, the remake of The Blob, the Evil Dead trilogy, and the Hills Have Eyes remake. For action, Rambo II is my all time favorite. But I also love Cobra, Van Damme films (Cyborg, Bloodsport, Hard Target), Out for Justice, Stallone films (Cliffhanger, First Blood, Rambo III, Demolition Man, Rocky III and IV) and Schwarzennegger movies (The Running Man, Commando, Predator). For comedy, my favorite is Cheech and Chong’s Up in Smoke…the first 10 minutes alone (Chong pulling out the massive weed to toke on with Cheech, and then pulled over by the cop) is funnier than many comedies today. I also love The Big Lebowski, the film Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, Three Stooges shorts, and Kevin Smith movies. In science fiction…my favorite has to be Aliens, followed by a flick called I Come in Peace (Dolph Lundgren as a cop chasing a drug dealer from outer space….very fun 80’s action flick). Family genre…my favorite has to be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1 and 2...my all time favorite characters. I grew up with those characters (the cartoon, the comics, etc.) and the first film was done with both a slightly mature level but also good for the family. And the sequel is goofy at many times, but it’s fun and the costumes/voice acting is top notch in my opinion.
Favorite Nintendo and Sega Game?
My favorite old school Nintendo game has to be The Punisher. I like the character…but I love the game because it’s just you shooting all sorts of bad guys. In my opinion that’s what a Punisher game SHOULD be all about…that’s what most of the comics were about and I don’t mind that at all. Punisher is one of my favorite comic book characters…and in this game you are just at the bottom of the screen and you move the curser up and down, left and right. You shoot bad guys with your machine gun, and the other button can either throw grenades or shoot a rocket launcher. I can understand that some people found it boring or repetitive…but it didn’t bother me too much. Sometimes mindless entertainment from video games is all I crave…and you kind of start to feel like the Punisher by shooting the hundreds of bad guys that come on the screen. So I think it’s a fun time…although I very much like Super Mario Bros. 3 and TMNT II: The Arcade Game. As for Sega, it would have to be Splatterhouse 3. A fun beat ‘em up in which you play a guy who gets a mask attached to his face…and then kicks all sorts of evil monster ass in order to save your wife and kid. I like the combat, it’s fun and fast paced…also there are lots of gore which is pretty fun. One neat thing is you get different endings based on how fast you play the game…so that makes it fun for replay value. Plus there are interesting monsters to fight, especially the bosses (plus a decent story for a Sega game). So Splatterhouse 3 definitely a fun, fast paced game to play.
What's My Favorite Movie? RAMBO II
Rambo: First Blood Part II. Sylvester Stallone is my favorite actor and his portrayal as John Rambo is iconic in my opinion…one of my favorite characters of all time. Jerry Goldsmith made one of the best, adrenaline pumping scores of all time…it actually may be my all time favorite score. Tons of well staged, well executed, old school action sequences. They are not cheesy, the editing makes it so you can actually see what is going on, no CGI whatsoever, and a very brisk pace. It never gets boring. Richard Crenna gives wonderful support at Colonel Trautman. And it’s wonderful to see an assortment of weapons (especially the M60 machine gun and the absolutely classic C4 tipped explosive arrows…seriously this is the only film to have this awesome weapon….a genius concept that is used again in Rambo III…without a doubt one of the best weapons of all time!!) being used, as well as a fantastic chase/dog fight between two helicopters….again with no use of CGI or miniatures. This is the real deal…which is why I love this film and it is a classic to me. This film proves that although CGI is king today…it CAN NOT BEAT a wonderful hero kicking all kinds of ass in real time using real equipment. LONG LIVE RAMBO FOREVER!!
Friday, July 20, 2007
Remake Madness:
What do I think of the recent remake craze in the horror genre:
Well...I can't say I hate remakes. I like them....I mean hell my favorite horror film ever is a remake (John Carpenter's The Thing). The Blob remake is one of the most fun horror films I've ever seen, while The Fly remake is also well done. Scarface, with Al Pacino, was also a remake of a 1930's film of the same name....and that movie kicks all kinds of ass. Who can ever forget Tony Montana and his famous mantra "Say hello to my little friend".
But saying that, it’s fucking getting out of hand. There’s just too damn many. I’ll admit it, I liked The Hills Have Eyes remake and the Dawn of the Dead remake. But that’s like two out of what….20? 25? It’s just ridiculous, I mean we’ve had remakes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (and it’s prequel), The Grudge, The Ring, Pulse, The Amityville Horror, Black Christmas, Assault on Precinct 13, The Hitcher, The Hills Have Eyes 2, The Fog, and The Wicker Man. Plus there’s Halloween, The Invasion, Day of the Dead, and there’s talk of Friday the 13th, Hellraiser, Escape from New York, Silent Night Deadly Night, The Stepfather, Jacob's Ladder, The Changeling, The Eye, another The Fly, another The Thing, Phantasm, and The Evil Dead. Let’s stop this shit, it’s dumb as hell. The remakes in the 1980’s (Scarface, The Thing, The Blob, The Fly) were fantastic because they actually made a BETTER film than the original. They used state of the art special effects, with directors who cared about the material. And recently when you look at it, the past 6 months of remakes have ALL FLOPPED! Don’t believe me? (Pulse in September flopped, The Wicker Man in October/November flopped, Black Christmas in December flopped, The Hitcher in January flopped, The Hills Have Eyes 2 in March flopped). So maybe if Halloween goes bad, then there will be no more remakes. But that one will make money...that'll be my guess. The title, Rob Zombie directing, the cast (Sid Haig, Daniel Harris, Ken Foree, Sheri Moon, William Forsythe, Brad Dourif, Bill Moseley, Malcolm McDowell)...it all makes for a "that's fucked up" reaction. And I think enough people will go by curiousity alone. So unfortunately remakes will live long...doesn't mean I'll like it.
Well...I can't say I hate remakes. I like them....I mean hell my favorite horror film ever is a remake (John Carpenter's The Thing). The Blob remake is one of the most fun horror films I've ever seen, while The Fly remake is also well done. Scarface, with Al Pacino, was also a remake of a 1930's film of the same name....and that movie kicks all kinds of ass. Who can ever forget Tony Montana and his famous mantra "Say hello to my little friend".
But saying that, it’s fucking getting out of hand. There’s just too damn many. I’ll admit it, I liked The Hills Have Eyes remake and the Dawn of the Dead remake. But that’s like two out of what….20? 25? It’s just ridiculous, I mean we’ve had remakes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (and it’s prequel), The Grudge, The Ring, Pulse, The Amityville Horror, Black Christmas, Assault on Precinct 13, The Hitcher, The Hills Have Eyes 2, The Fog, and The Wicker Man. Plus there’s Halloween, The Invasion, Day of the Dead, and there’s talk of Friday the 13th, Hellraiser, Escape from New York, Silent Night Deadly Night, The Stepfather, Jacob's Ladder, The Changeling, The Eye, another The Fly, another The Thing, Phantasm, and The Evil Dead. Let’s stop this shit, it’s dumb as hell. The remakes in the 1980’s (Scarface, The Thing, The Blob, The Fly) were fantastic because they actually made a BETTER film than the original. They used state of the art special effects, with directors who cared about the material. And recently when you look at it, the past 6 months of remakes have ALL FLOPPED! Don’t believe me? (Pulse in September flopped, The Wicker Man in October/November flopped, Black Christmas in December flopped, The Hitcher in January flopped, The Hills Have Eyes 2 in March flopped). So maybe if Halloween goes bad, then there will be no more remakes. But that one will make money...that'll be my guess. The title, Rob Zombie directing, the cast (Sid Haig, Daniel Harris, Ken Foree, Sheri Moon, William Forsythe, Brad Dourif, Bill Moseley, Malcolm McDowell)...it all makes for a "that's fucked up" reaction. And I think enough people will go by curiousity alone. So unfortunately remakes will live long...doesn't mean I'll like it.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
First Blog:
My first blog...my first post. Who knows what will come of it.
Anyway to start off...name's Matt from Iowa.
I guess the first post will be my favorite horror films:
1. John Carpenter's The Thing
2. Dawn of the Dead (1978)
3. Jacob’s Ladder
4. The Blob 1988)
5. Tremors
6. Maximum Overdrive
7. The Hitcher (original)
8. The Hills Have Eyes remake
9. The Blair Witch Project
10. Evil Dead 2
Anyway to start off...name's Matt from Iowa.
I guess the first post will be my favorite horror films:
1. John Carpenter's The Thing
2. Dawn of the Dead (1978)
3. Jacob’s Ladder
4. The Blob 1988)
5. Tremors
6. Maximum Overdrive
7. The Hitcher (original)
8. The Hills Have Eyes remake
9. The Blair Witch Project
10. Evil Dead 2
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